Random

Motley Crue tshirt in girls size for $10...in lust with Daniel Craig...French martinis...wagyu with A...for the first time wetting the remainder of my cigarettes and not craving more...beautiful red leather sandals...big French Amazon order...

Rut

Thoughts...now that I'm 28 I have two years left to go and work in London...It's not something I have wanted to, but now that time is of the essence maybe I should consider it...what would I do...what skills do I have...I feel like I've done nothing with my life...but I've never wanted to do anything with it, I've just wanted to live it, but is this living it?...should I do a pilates instructors course and go and teach pilates? Go the angle of tanned Aussie girl teaching yummy mummies in Kensington...I don't want to live somewhere crap though...in the meantime maybe I should do a course in 2007, edumacate myself a bit...$12,000 for a postgrad diploma? Fuck me...I don't even know what I want to study...maybe linguistics or French or Italian or European studies...why though, to come back and answer phones?...what do I want to do with my business?...The only certain thing I know is that I want to travel for one month every year...but is that enough?...surrounded by an ex-boyfriend who is unhealthy for me...sometimes I feel I'm losing the essence of who I am...I want to write again but as soon as I start to type I feel ridiculous...oh the end of year rut.

Catching Up

Kind of feel like writing again...

Rali is in town and it has been great to catch up with her. The gang came over last night for pizza and everything was discussed: interior decorating, threesomes, percentage of sexual partners with the name Alex (sorry but I love it!), peeping on cute gay neighbour, flashing our boobs, watching SATC. Tres fun.

Les boobs.

Last Tuesday Babushka passed away. We were with her, it was a hard day, it's still too close to write about freely.

This past week I have learnt more about my family than I have in all these years. Their stories, who they are, it's amazing.

Holidays With My Mum

Since mum bought B a holiday for his birthday before they broke up a few weeks ago, I'm going with mum for a week to Club Med Lindeman Island instead.

11 years ago (11? Geez...), Club Med changed my life. I fell in love with a French bartender and it ruined me. Hopefully this time it will be less intense! I'm thinking more sunbaking and snorkelling and biting my tongue when mum wants to go to the cheesey circus entertainment and less smitten with tanned French men who do your head in.

Happy Birthday To Me

My present to myself was something I've always wanted to do: a visit to a psychic. Simply because I've always been intriguied by it; not to alter my life to what they say. It's just a fascinating exercise into, ok, let's see if it's true. I didn't tell anyone I was going - I wanted to enjoy the whole experience.

30 minutes = $45. She was French with a heavy accent - I had to translate a few words for her - and I chose not to ask questions or give much away. She read my cards and after, my palm. She reiterated many times that I will do lots and lots of travelling, and that it will be good for my business. I will have my job for a few more years and then only the business, which I will have for many years. I will marry in 2010, a man 6-8 years older than me, an intelligent man who will support my business so I don't need my job. We will meet in a place filled with lots of people, like a party. The man will publish a book after his pension, ideas that he is thinking about now. He is my true love and we will love each other very much, and I will only be married to this man for my life. We will have two children, at least one boy, spaced closely together. We will live in a huge house that needs renovations, but a lovely old-style home near water and parks. I will love someone before this man too. He is a man who has many responsibilities with his job. Any men who are on the scene at the moment are not the ones for me. I will live a very long life. My family is close and we have a warm relationship. Everyone will be happy and healthy.

I Must've Done Something Good

To deserve such family and friends. Have just come home from a stunning BBQ at Jo's with the most wonderful surprise - birthday cake complete with candles (Happy Birthday Julia Gulia) and amazing present, the SATC overnight package. Wow. Double wow. To say I was shocked would be underestimating it - I was blown away. Thank you so much Jo, Wally, Charley, Yvette, Leonie and Dani (sick).

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Driving over pulled over for RBT, didn't have license on me so the cop took down my details and reprimanded me, then told me I made his day. "Oh god what did I do?" "You haven't done anything. It's you". Impressive! If only he was a babe it would have made a great "how did we meet story" to tell people.

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Dinner last night at Bistro Moncur was wonderful, if not shadowed by Natalie's that-afternoon redundancy. The most creamy, gorgeous French onion souffle followed by perfectly seared calves' liver with gnocchi parisienne and a plump cherry glaze. It was so good and yet a shock to the system, the richness and size of the dishes made me nauseous and all I wanted was to run home and tuck myself into bed. Which I did. It's my birthday and I can do just that.

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Today's serendipitous lunch at Pilu - tomorrow.

Last Night

I went to the gym. Oh yes! Nat took me along and we did a boxing class followed by the most horrid extreme pilates I could ever of fathomed. Boxing was a lot of fun and my body feels really good.

Then I came home and watched The Office Christmas specials on DVD, and honestly Ricky Gervais is a bloody genius. The first time I saw it, when Tim and Dawn got together, I cried. Last night, I bawled. It's just so well done and the genius of a comedy that makes your emotions soar like that: ge-ni-us.

28

The definition of chuffed: a midnight-on-the-dot happy birthday call from S and text from R; a call from A in London; a happy birthday singsong from Will and Marianna; texts and calls and emails from dear friends - the best presents I could ever hope for.

And more spoils: tonight, dinner at Bistro Moncur with Nat; lunch at Pilu with mum, Kath, Jay and the kids; Sunday lunch with dad.

And happy birthday Jim Morrison :-)

And then some: Thank you for the beautiful roses Kath. In come a dozen pale apricot, sweet fragrant roses, completely blowing me away. Love you.

27

At this time of year, with my birthday and end of year simultaneous, I can't help but think think think. Be consummed with thoughts of what I want, who I am, what has this last year been about. It's not that I overanalyse, it's more reflection with a twist of anxiety.

I thought 27 was going to be a really good year, if only because it's a nice number and it's my lucky number cubed. This year has been...indifferent, not a blip in the overall scheme of things. I realised a dream, and that will always be a highlight, of seeing the World Cup live. That still sends goosebumps up and down my body. It was a wonderful trip, albeit with underlying disquiet at times. A similar disquiet that I feel these days. But I know it passes, as the good and bad always does for me.

I have Ibiza, and Spain, and Paris and Amsterdam and Dublin and London in 2007. I have the comfort that I'm in charge of my own destiny. I'll get there.

Tana Ramsay's Fish Chowder

I cooked last night for the first time in forever! After having my apartment beautifully cleaned last week I was looking forward to getting back in the kitchen, especially after perusing The Times' food section and spotting Tana Ramsay's fish chowder recipe in a life swap challenge (Gordon picks up and cooks dinner for the kids; Tana runs Claridge's). I'd been wanting to make chowder all winter and this recipe appealed because it looked so easy and delicious. And - it was. It's also a one-pot wonder which I love.

You'll find her recipe in the link but here is my adaptation (serves 2-3):

3 medium potatoes, diced into bite size pieces
1 leek, sliced
6 rashers of good bacon, sliced into thin strips (I used AC Butchery and it was divine)
500mL chicken stock (I tried one of those premium chicken stocks in the fridge section, it was expensive but excellent quality)
2 fillets of your favourite, firm fish, cut into bite size pieces (I used snapper and monkish)
Handful of frozen peas
A generous pour of double cream

Boil the potatoes until a little underdone (seriously, this is important. Because they are such small pieces they only take a few minutes. I forgot and the potatoes were soft in the soup, which you may like). Drain, return the pot to the heat and add some olive oil. Add the bacon and cook until slightly crispy. Add the leeks and cook gently until they turn soft. Add the stock and potatoes, bring to the boil, then reduce the heat and simmer for 10 minutes. Then add the fish and peas and simmer for another 10 minutes, or until the fish is cooked. Stir in the cream and bring to the simmer, then turn the heat off. Season, and stir through a handful of chopped parsley. Serve with crusty sourdough.

Note: A nice alternative is to add smoked fish along with fresh fish, or a few scallops or prawns.

Fish chowder = goodness

Camera Phone Photos

Nut, cosy with Doggy (mine and Kath's childhood toy doggy)

Self-portrait before a shower the other day:
capturing the mood I was feeling

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

This week you'll meet someone with whom you seem to be able to talk forever. This will be mere prelude to great sex. Your pelvises will communicate in ways that words just can't convey. Just beware what happened to me last time I found someone I could talk to all night: we did just that, and never got around to unzipping our pants. Be sure to eventually run out of things to say.

Gift Guide

Honestly, and I can say this with pure conviction, I do not want a single thing for my birthday/Christmas. I know I know we all say that but I actually feel it in my bones. I am so ridiculously blessed. The only present I ever hope to have is the gift of regular travel.

However. What fun is it to not even dream up ideal gifts?

+ Baby Foot. I don't know what it's called in English but it has always been a dream to own one. And a proper chrome showpiece, not a plastic 30 games in 1 deal. Of course it would have to wait till I get the villa in St Trop, as I would have to sleep on it for it to fit in my place.

From Conran Shop, £2,953. Or just anything from Conran.

+ The white Vespa on the Style.com gift guide. And I thought red was the only way to go. Pure bellisima.
+ A gift voucher for Dedece +, so I can buy things like the Ego Dipcup.
+ A gift voucher for Adultshop. Porn and new toys don't grow on trees.
+ Tiffany's Double Ovals necklace from the current campaign, $US395.

I might come up with a gift guide as last year's had a good response but in the meantime if you do buy Christmas cards make sure they are charity cards; locals can find all the charity cards here - this year mine are coming from the RSCPA.

The Weekend

While babysitting bubs Saturday to Sunday, I watched as much Foxtel as I possibly could. About 10 hours of cooking shows (The F Word!) and two movies: Ils se marient et eurent beaucoup d'enfants, and L'un reste, l'autre part. Go the French! Old school themes at their very best! Infidelity, marriage, sex, etc etc, while looking fabulous.

Then went to see Borat with I - laughed from beginning to end. High five! To wrap up a drink with the lovely R, a really good guy.

Queen Of Contradictions

I love how I love being self-sufficient, how I rely only on myself. A bastion for the single life.

...and yet I hate that my birthday is next week, and there's no one to kiss my forehead in the morning, take me to a romantic dinner (what the fuck is that anyway?) and make me faint with amazing sex afterwards.

I love love love that I'll be with my friends instead, and hate that part of me wishes it was the above scenario.

A few weeks ago, I stumbled upon a scene from one of my favourite movies, Husbands and Wives, where Sydney Pollack and Judy Davis say that it's getting through the difficult times that make or break a relationship, that anyone can have a good time. (Hours later I stumbled upon the exact same scene on the repeat, definitely telling me something). It's so true. Who cares about the birthday kiss-dinner-shag? Will they bring me a sandwich when I'm at the hospital at midnight? This is what matters, and yet here we are worrying about the petty. It's all bullshit.

Why I Love Tony # 298347680693

"They live much better lives than any chicken that's been sold by the colonel, that's for sure. And really these ducks aren’t doing anything that a porn star doesn’t do on a regular basis."

The foie gras debate.