Just Say No

I say yes to these things like they're going out of fashion. The department store makeover. On a Wednesday night, and since bellydancing has finished and we kill time by considering pole dancing classes, N and I say yes to Christian Dior and dream of another glam night on the town afterwards.

To say I looked like a racoon would be cutesy and schmoopy. To say I looked like a $5 hooker would be much more on the money. When the Diorshow came out I asked for "subtle". Last time Diorshow was applied to me by someone other than myself I could barely open my eyes and my lashes were grazing my brows, a la Tammy Fay. She chastised me - yes, she did - and went ahead and coated them like my lashes were a segment on Better Homes and Garden. It was a horror story that no amount of rough toilet paper in the Myer loos (with complimentary L'Occitane hand cream) could recover.

Plans to get well and truly trashed were put aside while our tummies, depressingly taking greater precendence, were looked after. Since N and I have become a substitute couple, we thought nothing of walking into Doyle's and being seated by the window with a drop-dead romantic view over the Opera House and twinkling harbour and ordering the seafood chowder. It was very good, although more a thick bisque than a chowder (chowder means creamy goodness) and made even better with a good serving of buttery, garlicky garlic bread.

Then we sauntered over to Cruise for a bottle or red (ok, it was supposed to be for their allegedly free Champagne for the ladeez, but that finished at 7pm. Who knew?) . Lucky us the IT Geek Convention was in town so we got to be ignored by men in black trousers and navy jackets. Why is it we go ga-ga over men with taste? It should be the norm. Do they think "hell, black and navy are so similar, who'll notice? It'll be dark anyway". Buddy, we do notice. It looks cheap and nasty and it disappoints us. Tips for every man:

* Get a classic black suit, I'm thinking Armani or Zegna.
* Get a pin-striped suit that suits your personality. Pale stripes, wide clean white stripes, there is a pin-stripe for you. Dolce E Gabbana is a good place to start looking. These are so versatile and you'll look so dapper with a clean white shirt or a coloured shirt just with the trousers.
* Have them tailored. Tailored! Don't try, buy and live happily ever after. You are not the house model. Get the pants and sleeves taken up or down by a good tailor. Oh the cringe induced by a man in short trousers or long sleeves.
* Buy yourself some expensive-as-hell silk blend socks. Get them in black, navy, an elegant texture and with a stripe. Stock up at sale time.
Please, just do it. From here you can expand to your wallet's desire, but these are the fundamentals.

After the wine we were still peckish. We are pigs, and anyway we have said that after the October long weekend we are giving up all this decadence. Yes we are. So we went next door to Wildfire, and ah, had a cheese plate and ah, the coconut souffle. I highly recommend both. Two valid points were made during this part of the evening:

* We are both single so the money we would spend on sweet nothings for better halves, weekly nights out with better halves and condoms on banging better halves, can be spent on ourselves without guilt.
* We are challenging ourselves to two days of veganism. It has been pencilled in for Sunday 8 and Monday 9, October. Why? Because we have the will of gnats and both of us deplore veganism, so it will be an interesting experiment. It was either that or carb-free and both are as bad as each other. No pasta or no brie...don't make me decide. Sophie's Choice comes to mind. I look forward to reporting the joys of no juicy meat, no gooey eggs, no luscious cheese and everything else banned by this ridiculous dietary system in coming weeks. Until then, vive la decadence!