My Date

The night started off well. He borrowed a car for the night and took me to a fantastic pizza place. Oh yes what did I wear. Denim skirt, simple singlet and sandals. I have zero interest in dressing up; maybe with the last weeks of warm weather I'm channeling my inner hippy. It was all quite nice, laughs, feeling comfortable. And it was also intense; his texts during the week, what he was telling me about how he felt about me, destiny, chemistry. Rolling around in bed later on, at times feeling like we were a 60s Italian romantic comedy - "non e vero!" - the intensity continued, especially when I told him I didn't think he should spend the night. But this wasn't smitten. Smitten is cute. This was obsession. The fun was gone as he told me how he feels about me, how I don't share it, how he wants to see me every minute, how he'd fly anywhere around the world to see me at a moment's notice. What every girl wants to hear - after 4 hours. Telling him to cool down and enjoy himself - that we only just met - only fueled the difference he saw in our feelings for each other.

Woken by his text in the morning, on the phone later on I told him to look forward to his adventures, India, Thailand, who knows what else, but to him, "you don't understand Giulia, the adventure started last night". Nothing I could say could convince him. And after coming out of the movies last night, a long rambling text that creeped me out. So I replied to put a gentle end to this, and haven't heard back. I had a crap night last night, cigarette and Radiohead, an overwhelming sense of j'en ai marre. J'en ai marre of all this bullshit, of it all being so hard. Of feeling hunted. That's exactly it. I wanted to run away from everything and everyone last night. Christ I can't wait for Ibiza.

But this morning I feel good again. The beach (at it's most beautiful) soothed me yesterday and today I want to bake cupcakes with my beautiful nephew and not hear a peep out of my phone.

He said I was the femme fatale. Others have before and I used to think of myself back in the days when it was charming. It always used to be much more innocent. All the past and future...